Post-graduate, check. Newfound lazy days and freedom, check. Money for college and total preparation..nope, nowhere to be found. I am so thrilled to be going out on my own and being able to leave everything laying around if I please, go out as I please, and attend classes called "The Ancient History of Witchcraft and Magic" (yes, that is seriously one of my classes!) But the overwhelming rush of bills and statements has me in a daze. I realize this is all completely necessary if I ever want to take myself anywhere in life, but it also makes me wonder how some people do it. People with dire circumstances send themselves off to college all the time. People who struggle raise an entire family singlehandedly, all the time. People do hard things, everywhere and everyday. How am I ever going to summon that kind of strength?
No one ever really expected me to go to college, and to those antagonists I say, ha! I CAN and WILL do this on my own, in my own stubborn I'm-a-big-girl-now fashion. I will attend all of those dorm events, frat parties, study meetings and athletic games, and I will revel in the fact that in spite of many things, I am making my own way out into the world and so are thousands of people around me. I don't feel so alone in my journey anymore.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Friday, June 11, 2010
"It's called commencement for a reason."
This year, in my senior baby ad, my father told me that "graduation was called commencement for a reason." Seeing as how he had to fit the message in a tiny square, he didn't really elaborate on the reason..and I feel like he maybe wanted me to interpret it my own way anyways.
Today I was driving down the road, and passed a few of my classmates' houses and cars. It made me think of tomorrow, my graduation day, as a new beginning. No longer will we be settled into the same 8 hour day in our institutionalized setting, no longer will we be going to athletic practices with our friends. We are, as my dad said, commencing tomorrow. And it still feels unreal. Tomorrow, some of us go on to get married over the summer. Some of us will be shipped off to college, or shipped off to war. Some of us will stay here forever, and some of us will never be coming back.
Tomorrow is the day we have all waited for, for 13 years. This time, when school lets out, it's out. It's time for us to commence into the rest of our lives. As for me, I feel the best is still yet to come.
Today I was driving down the road, and passed a few of my classmates' houses and cars. It made me think of tomorrow, my graduation day, as a new beginning. No longer will we be settled into the same 8 hour day in our institutionalized setting, no longer will we be going to athletic practices with our friends. We are, as my dad said, commencing tomorrow. And it still feels unreal. Tomorrow, some of us go on to get married over the summer. Some of us will be shipped off to college, or shipped off to war. Some of us will stay here forever, and some of us will never be coming back.
Tomorrow is the day we have all waited for, for 13 years. This time, when school lets out, it's out. It's time for us to commence into the rest of our lives. As for me, I feel the best is still yet to come.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
My Personal Recipe for Anxiety
4 days from commencement,
2 stressful exams to go,
an ever-growing student loan,
and..a hint of nutmeg?
Being so young and all, I shouldn't be so damn stressed. But between paying for college, studying for 2 VERY important final exams, and juggling my otherwise busy schedule..things have been nothing short of hectic lately. But how do we deal with anxiety?
Some of us take prescription meds, some of us take some not-so-prescription meds, and some of us..just run away. While all of those sound highly glamorous, I know, I can't seem to find my "happy place" for anything right now. Last night I enjoyed a nice iced coffee with my lovable boyfriend..and I was STILL stressing about my chemistry exam on wednesday. That sounds like a recipe for disaster, yes?
I am completely incapable of anything yoga-esque, I'm too poor for the drugs to calm me down (not that I would do that anyways..ahem), and yet..I still can't seem to remember, even with all that's on my shoulders right now..I'm lucky. I'm so lucky that my anxiety is merely exams and graduation, rather than fending off malicious soldiers in Darfur, working full time to feed a family, or dealing with devastating illness.
Maybe writing is my peace. I just wish some others had the luxury of being as stressed and anxious as I am right now, rather than where they are in wartorn nations or violent homes. If only they were as lucky as me.
2 stressful exams to go,
an ever-growing student loan,
and..a hint of nutmeg?
Being so young and all, I shouldn't be so damn stressed. But between paying for college, studying for 2 VERY important final exams, and juggling my otherwise busy schedule..things have been nothing short of hectic lately. But how do we deal with anxiety?
Some of us take prescription meds, some of us take some not-so-prescription meds, and some of us..just run away. While all of those sound highly glamorous, I know, I can't seem to find my "happy place" for anything right now. Last night I enjoyed a nice iced coffee with my lovable boyfriend..and I was STILL stressing about my chemistry exam on wednesday. That sounds like a recipe for disaster, yes?
I am completely incapable of anything yoga-esque, I'm too poor for the drugs to calm me down (not that I would do that anyways..ahem), and yet..I still can't seem to remember, even with all that's on my shoulders right now..I'm lucky. I'm so lucky that my anxiety is merely exams and graduation, rather than fending off malicious soldiers in Darfur, working full time to feed a family, or dealing with devastating illness.
Maybe writing is my peace. I just wish some others had the luxury of being as stressed and anxious as I am right now, rather than where they are in wartorn nations or violent homes. If only they were as lucky as me.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Another Story of Blatant Dishonesty
*Disclaimer. Slightly cynical approach is enclosed in this post. If you're doubting goodness in humankind..do not read any further!*
So today my close girlfriend Krysta and I made a little road trip to Raleigh to meet her roommate from New Jersey, who was down for orientation at UNC Chapel Hill. It was a fairly fun and not so awkward first day for them together, while I got to sit idly by and be a conversation buffer as well as a real human friend of Krysta's to her new roommate. Gas was super cheap in Chapel Hill at one of those "Flying J" travel plazas, so naturally, my frugal friend wanted to stop in to fill up.
As we walked to the pump after paying, a desperate looking woman approached us. "Please, do you have any money to spare? We just used all of our money to put in our gas tank, and I want to get my babies some juice and snacks because they're very hungry." Naturally, being good samaritans, Krysta and I both handed the woman a couple bucks and watched her, as she walked up to numerous other people like us, to plead the same case. We then proceeded to watch her as she got back in her van and drove away, not once going into the store for aforementioned "items" for her babies.
Now, I am usually a highly optimistic human being. But things like that really upset me. It not only gives a bad name to people who truly NEED the money in a hard situation, but it also dampens the glistening hope that there is good left in this world. Dishonesty is so prevalent everywhere today. In our schools, in our politics, and even in our homes, we are constantly being lied to. I don't want to imagine what the woman from the gas station went to buy, but we must ask ourselves of dishonesty..can the buck stop here?
So today my close girlfriend Krysta and I made a little road trip to Raleigh to meet her roommate from New Jersey, who was down for orientation at UNC Chapel Hill. It was a fairly fun and not so awkward first day for them together, while I got to sit idly by and be a conversation buffer as well as a real human friend of Krysta's to her new roommate. Gas was super cheap in Chapel Hill at one of those "Flying J" travel plazas, so naturally, my frugal friend wanted to stop in to fill up.
As we walked to the pump after paying, a desperate looking woman approached us. "Please, do you have any money to spare? We just used all of our money to put in our gas tank, and I want to get my babies some juice and snacks because they're very hungry." Naturally, being good samaritans, Krysta and I both handed the woman a couple bucks and watched her, as she walked up to numerous other people like us, to plead the same case. We then proceeded to watch her as she got back in her van and drove away, not once going into the store for aforementioned "items" for her babies.
Now, I am usually a highly optimistic human being. But things like that really upset me. It not only gives a bad name to people who truly NEED the money in a hard situation, but it also dampens the glistening hope that there is good left in this world. Dishonesty is so prevalent everywhere today. In our schools, in our politics, and even in our homes, we are constantly being lied to. I don't want to imagine what the woman from the gas station went to buy, but we must ask ourselves of dishonesty..can the buck stop here?
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Allow me to introduce myself..
And no, not in a super "All About Me!" myspace/facebookish way.
I am 18 years old, and I am currently surviving my last 3 months of life at home. Or, to be technical, 2 months, 2 weeks, and 3 days at home. (Don't remind my mother..she bursts into tears when she thinks about her sole child shipping off to college..and the surmounting bills that come with it.)
I have a handful of amazing best friends, a highly annoying (yet totally adorable) family, and a few dreams that are far too big for my small town situation. Girls like me, or those around me, grow up on sweet tea and bitter advice, and usually end up graduating to work at various phone companies, water/electricity companies..or they stay at home. With the babies. All around..age 21 or 22.
Let's fast forward a couple years. When I'm 21, I plan to be interning with GLAMOUR magazine in New York City, with a fabulous apartment (I'd settle for a studio) , a passport with multiple stamps of various countries all over it, and a size 2 ass (I'd settle for a 4). If I don't get started on that one soon, that will DEFINITELY not be happening..
I'm not hoping this blog will shoot me to fame, fortune and riches..but I am hoping it will give me SOME substance in life. Everybody needs something that makes them feel important, whether it is being a mother, being a writer..or being invisible. If it gives you a sense of belonging, it's totally worth it.
I am 18 years old, and I am currently surviving my last 3 months of life at home. Or, to be technical, 2 months, 2 weeks, and 3 days at home. (Don't remind my mother..she bursts into tears when she thinks about her sole child shipping off to college..and the surmounting bills that come with it.)
I have a handful of amazing best friends, a highly annoying (yet totally adorable) family, and a few dreams that are far too big for my small town situation. Girls like me, or those around me, grow up on sweet tea and bitter advice, and usually end up graduating to work at various phone companies, water/electricity companies..or they stay at home. With the babies. All around..age 21 or 22.
Let's fast forward a couple years. When I'm 21, I plan to be interning with GLAMOUR magazine in New York City, with a fabulous apartment (I'd settle for a studio) , a passport with multiple stamps of various countries all over it, and a size 2 ass (I'd settle for a 4). If I don't get started on that one soon, that will DEFINITELY not be happening..
I'm not hoping this blog will shoot me to fame, fortune and riches..but I am hoping it will give me SOME substance in life. Everybody needs something that makes them feel important, whether it is being a mother, being a writer..or being invisible. If it gives you a sense of belonging, it's totally worth it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)